In space no one can hear you scream...
Yet they can in your living room. Screaming from boredom.
This movie, shot in a new style which I like to call 'almost complete blackness', suffers from dullness in wholely new levels of unimaginable. The plot involves a girl moving to a forest where her mother has moved to shack up with some Spanish army officer near the end of WWII. The girl falls in with a bunch of forest fairy creatures including some Pan looking bloke who stutters, sniffles and shuffles through his scenes asking the girl to do three tasks. The tasks involve being bored. No, well they do, but that isn't quite it. they involve going to see monsters and stuff. And being bored.
There are some pretty horrendous, unnecessarily violent scenes which serve to do nothing other than put you off watching it even more. I'm sure the director only put them in to try to do the opposite though - hoping you'd watch to see somebody get hurt in a bit of blood and guts. It doesn't.
This movie was so dull, I was forced to read the free copy of 'The Spectator' (the world's worst magazine) I was given this week. I'd love to tell you how the movie ended and say it was all for the best, it was worth watching this crap, but I can't. I turned it off several hours into it, and nowhere near close to the finish.
And before you say 'Hey Dave, you're just being xenophobic and not giving foreign language films a chance'. 'Dude, ' I reply, 'I saw Battle Royal I and II and those rocked. I saw Delicatessen and Calvaire and they were pieces of genius. This Pan's nonsense sucked balls.'
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